Johnstone’s
Sporting Corner

A collection of sporting (and loosely associated!) nuggets

Victoria Adams (AKA Posh Spice)…..
whilst watching Sky Sports on satellite in the Bangkok Hilton turned to fellow band member, Scary and said ‘You see that bloke who can’t beat a man and has no left foot – I’m going to marry him’.

George Bush (Junior)…..
The greatest golfer ever to hold the Presidency, having a legitimate 15 handicap. It was on the first tee at the Kennebunkport golf course, that the world’s most powerful man said ‘I call upon all nations to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killings. Thank you. Now watch this drive’. Unfortunately he duck hooked the drive into the rough which, with hindsight, did not auger well for the so-called war on terror!

John Spencer (Mr)……
First man to make a tournament 147 in snooker (The Holsten Lager Invitational in 1979). Irritatingly, the camera crew were on a tea break so no footage remains!

Sue Barker (Ms)…..
very allegedly it is claimed that Sue was responsible for taking Tim Henman’s virginity. However, no footage exists and rumours that the former England number one celebrated with a trademark fist pump are unlikely to be true!

Ian Rush (Scouser)……
following an unsuccessful stay at Juventus the ex Liverpool striker really did say ‘I couldn’t settle in Italy – it was like living in a foreign country’. Once photographed reading the Gazzetta dello Sport upside down.

Graham Pole (Referee)……
’After the game Sepp Blatter escorted me from the referees’ dressing room to the DVD area, we sat in silence reviewing the evidence and at around 11.30 p.m. I realised that after 23 years of hard work and one too many yellow cards, my dream was over!’

Andy Fordham (Landlord and (large) Darts player)……
Owner of the Rose and Crown in Dartford became the first man to collapse live on stage during a pay-per-view match. Having entered the arena to the sounds of ‘I’m too sexy for my shirt’ the overweight darts star duly suffered respiratory problems and hit the deck. Nicknamed in his youth as ‘Whippet’, ‘I do like a Chinese’ he says!

Ivan Lee (Malaysian Student)……
The first ever winner of the World Cluedo Championship with Professor Plum, Candlestick and Conservatory!

Trevor Berbick (Boxer)……
The last man to fight Muhammad Ali following which he came up against Mike Tyson. ‘Big punchers don’t worry me’ he said before the fight. He was knocked out in the second round. ‘Everything he got had “goodnight” written all over it’, said the referee Mills Lane.

Jane Andrews (of Cleethorpes)……
A friend of Fergie (Duchess of York). She killed her lover by repeatedly hitting him over the head with a cricket bat (make unspecified) and then repeatedly stabbing him. Her legal defence was that her boyfriend had been responsible for his own death as he had stupidly contrived to sever an artery while removing the knife from his chest. Verdict – guilty!